The retaliation was relentless.
◾ He was reassigned to a regular infantry unit.
◾ For nearly ten years, he was transferred from post to post across the country.
◾ Just before becoming eligible for his pension, he was forcibly discharged.
And it did not end there.
Even after leaving the military,
the shadow of that retaliation followed him.
He moved from job to job,
and only when he eventually became an apartment security guard
did their attention finally cease.
From then on,
my father lived his entire life in quiet anguish.
As a child,
I could not understand
the deep shadow that lingered on his face.
And so I ask—
What if—
What if that historical event, which crushed the courageous stand my father had risked his entire life for, had never taken place?
What kind of life
would have been given
to me and my family?
What my father left me was—
◾ A body as strong and resilient as iron
◾ A spirit that does not bow before injustice
◾ A boldness that does not shrink before the many
◾ And at times, an uncontrollable rebellious streak
And at the same time—
◾ A life of severe poverty
◾ A family scattered apart
◾ The sacrifices borne especially by my older siblings
◾ A past marked by misery and hardship
And above all—
A profound loyalty toward heaven,
alongside a sharp resistance
and piercing questions directed at it.
A faith that moves between these two extremes—
something… not quite ordinary.
If—
If that event had never taken place,
if my father’s victory had not been cut short,
would not something brighter,
something more whole,
have been given to us as the gift of life?
I ask again.
I once came across the account
of a military officer
who had directly participated in the
May 16 coup d’état.
On the eve of the operation,
he and his companions, trembling with fear,
gathered in a chapel,
offered prayers for success,
and encouraged one another with words of faith—
believing that God would grant them victory.
If so—
I must ask once more:
Where was God?
On whose side was He?
Was He with my father,
who wagered his entire life
on the conscience of his faith?
Or with those who carried out that day’s choice
in the name of a “national salvation”?
Like the words we used to shout
as children in the streets—
“Whichever side wins… that’s our side.”